I’m not very original, or funny so really that’s the best title I could come up with so get used to puns, my friends. After a considerably long hiatus I finally made another post, I’d like to say that I’ve been soOOoOo busy with amazing things because I’m a popular person but really I’ve just been lazy. I believe that after a certain age everyone should know and accept their limits. I know that I’ll never go to yoga three days a week, I’ll never pass an antique shop without going in (or a bakery, really), and I’ll never dedicate as much time as I probably should to hobbies because I spend a lot of time napping and browsing antique stores, obviously.
The Snack: Roasted Root “Carpaccio”
Okay it’s actually more like a beet salad but if people can call chunks of cauliflower “steak” then I can call this carpaccio. For those of you who do not know, carpaccio is a dish made of thinly sliced raw meat–traditionally beef and garnished with lemon, capers, shaved parmesan, olive oil and salt and pepper. It’s named after Vittore Carpaccio, a Venetian painter who is known for using a lot of red and white tones in his work. It’s one of my favorite snacks and I might try to make it in the future but as of right now I don’t have the resources to do the dish justice, I mean you have to slice that ish way thinner than I can do by hand. Anyway, I needed fancy colored beets and carrots which all of my preferred grocery stores did not have so I had to resort to the very last place that I want to be on a Sunday at about noonish: Whole Foods. Ugh, true story I almost gave up then and there but by God I was going to get this done today, even if it meant spending $40 on beets and pea shoots! That store stresses me out so much, it feels like being underwater with the horn music from inception, that crazy sort of decrescendo part toward the end of How To Disappear Completely, and Fitter Happier playing all at once… I don’t know what it is. It’s like everyone there knows the Rules of Whole Foods Shoppery and I’m constantly breaking them and they’re all judging me as I’m trying to hold my coffee cup with one hand while trying to pull down a decent bunch of beets with the other, without having the rest of them fall down onto my face (not successful, btw). How do I get a copy of these rules? Are they in a newsletter? Was it the Starbucks? I bet that’s where I went wrong. My coffee wasn’t locally sourced enough. Aside from produce falling on my face it really wasn’t so bad though, I think it all came to around $17. Anyway, I sort of went all over the place with that…so let’s get our mise en place…
- Aluminum foil
- Large Baking Dish or Sheet Tray
- Vegetable Peeler
- Cutting Board
- Chefs Knife (or a mandolin but I think they’re terrifying and I don’t like cleaning them, tbh)
- 1 bunch of medium sized beets
- 1 bunch of multicolored carrots
- 1 bunch of watercress
- 1 container of pea shoots
- 1 medium sized orange
- 1 lemon
- 1 container of fresh rosemary
- Dried sage (fresh would probably have been better but I’m not perfect)
- Olive oil, used liberally
- Salt and Pepper to taste
- Balsamic Vinaigrette, preferably homemade
Honestly, this makes way more than one serving. You can’t really buy 1 beet or a handful of pea shoots, you have to buy so much and then you have to menu plan around that for the rest of the week. I’ve been putting roasted vegetables and pea shoots in everything. It’s a struggle, for sure.
1. Wash your hands
2. Preheat the oven to 400° F
3. Rinse the produce, scrub the beets particularly well because they’re dirty AF
4. Peel the carrots, don’t bother with the beets, the skin is normally too thick but it comes off easily after roasting
5. Using the tin foil, wrap the beets and carrots (separately) up with about two sprigs of rosemary, 1/2 tsp dried sage, 2 T olive oil, salt to taste, and 1 tsp of pepper. Put your little veggie packs on your baking apparatus and then into the oven for 30-40 minutes.
6. While that’s roasting, section the orange and lemon, set aside.
Learning how to section citrus fruit is probably one of my proudest accomplishments–I know, overachieve much, right? But really, I hate that awful pith/membrane/whatever so much. Here’s a video: Serious Eats you can do it!
7. Once the vegetables are done allow them to cool completely, although I find it easier to peel the beets whilst they’re still a bit warm.
8. Slice the veggies as thin as you possibly can and arrange them however you want really, alternating vegetable types–one of the points of this dish is to get all of the components into one bite.
9. Take a handful of pea shoots and a handful of watercress and trim off the ends, toss them together in a bowl w/ a bit of the balsamic dressing, put a little pile on your beets and garnish with the orange and lemon sections. Drizzle a little more balsamic dressing and a pinch of salt and pepper and you’re freaking done, now it’s time for wine.
*Adding creme fraiche or goat cheese would also be super delicious
Also I can’t believe I actually said “component.” What have I even become?!
The Wine: Raúl Pérez El Castro De Valtuille Mencía Joven 2013
Mencía (pronounced “Men-thee-ah” do not confuse this delicious grape with Men-see-ya, that not-funny comedian) is a medium-bodied red wine grape grown in Spain and Portugal. The color is a very deep red, I wish I could find a lipstick in this red, not that I’d have the guts to wear it. The palate is peppery and earthy with a cherry finish. It’s a little acidic but not in an unbearable way. Decanting for at least 30 minutes is preferred and I read that mencia ages well for up to two years but I don’t quite have that kind of patience.
The Show: Every. Season. Of. Golden Girls!
Obviously I didn’t do this in one sitting, no, I’ve been watching Golden Girls in my free time for the past few weekends and it’s pretty f*cking awesome and I don’t care what anyone has to say about that. I watched this show when I was a young’in home sick from school, right before Price is Right came on. There were a lot of things I didn’t quite catch the first time around but now that I’m a bit older it’s even more awesome. Like, I find it amazing that these ladies seemed to be so surprised every single time they open their refrigerator. “Cheesecake! OMG We have cheescake!” Like…lady…if a mystery cake just showed up in my fridge and no one in the household recalls buying it I probably wouldn’t eat it. I think I’d like to have a Pantry Phantom dropping off delicious snacks so if anyone is up for the job you know where to find me. Must wear a mask and a cape.